Sep 5, 2011

First Campaigner Challenge

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!


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I managed to write exactly 200 hundred words. This is a flash fiction piece titled, THE STORM. 


The door swung open, letting in that cold winter’s draft. I wrapped my shawl tighter around my shoulders as the storm blew in a dust of snow, making the floor slippery wet as Tommy got up to close it for the hundredth time.

His boots slipped on the tile, but he caught himself, cursing under his breath like a drunken sailor. “Dammit, Val, can you help me with this thing?” He shook and rattled it like it was going to help one bit.

We might as well have been as good as dead because that door wasn’t closing for anyone. I watched him struggle with it as I sipped from my mug some steaming hot cocoa. “Leave it alone,” I said. “There’s no use messing with it.”

Tommy gave it one last push with his shoulder and it slammed against the opening, creaking as it sprung back towards him, again. And even though I was freezing cold, I couldn’t help but giggle at Tommy.

Then bam he gave that door once last good shove that almost made the whole place tremble, snow sprinkled from the door onto his boots. And my breath caught in my throat from his ill temper.

35 comments:

  1. It seems that the storm inside is worse than the storm outside. Very good!

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  2. Very nice! The mood that is set within and without is excellent.

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  3. The mood is palpable. Very nice job evoking the huge looming presence of the storm.

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  4. I enjoyed that Tommy changed from a fellow character in the beginning, to a much stronger personality once he speaks, to something with a dangerous vibe at the end. He picked up tension as the story went along, but it wasn't jarring until the very last sentence. ~ Nadja

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  5. This is such a great challenge, I'll have to get on it. But your story is great! I loved it so much I wanted to say hello and pass along a blog award! You can see it at

    http://3pointperspective.blogspot.com/2011/09/they-like-me-they-really-like-me.html

    And keep the love going. Good work and I can't wait to see more!

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  6. I love that he slams the door so hard the whole building nearly shakes :)

    so, was it her giggling at him that sets him off in the end?

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  7. There's some bitterness on the outside but it seems to have little comparison to that ill tempered fellow. You did a great job with the imagery as well.

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  8. Thank you. I had a lot of fun writing it.

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  9. Great piece. I'm wondering where they are that the door doesn't close and she says to leave it. Makes me think they're hiding out or something. :)

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  10. I like the similarities between weather and mood. Wonder what's wrong with the door.

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  11. That would pi$$ me off, too! Great job. New follower here, stopping over from the campaign:)

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  12. Great setting of the stage. I wish the story went on a little bit more!

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  13. I was intrigued. Some great descriptions in how hard the door was to close. And my interest sharpened as Tommy seemed to go from irate partner to a more menacing possibility. What puzzled me was how she could giggle and drink cocoa while Tommy wrestled with the door.

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  14. Nicely done. I especially like how calm the person is sipping hot cocoa, in contrast to Tommy.

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  15. Very well written and it's something that I can relate to from my own personal experiences!

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  16. Oh, nicely done. I like the parallel of the two storms too.

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  17. Nicely done. I could feel both the cold air and the warmth of her mug. I'm #72

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  18. Nice write you. Glad to be here.

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  19. The winter on the outside seems like a good juxtaposition to what's happening on the inside.

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  20. Very nice. Jumps right into it. Writing feels confident and assured. I want more.

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  21. I was wondering all sorts of things; Great job!

    http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

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  22. Excellent imagery of the storm. Loving your characterization, too. Great entry! :)

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  23. I couldn't definitely visualize it. Now I'm worried that they're going to freeze to death.

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  24. I also liked the changes in his character. Good development for so few words!

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  25. The storm is two-fold, nice job! Love your blog, it's lovely. :))

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  26. Cool how you made that swinging door a centerpiece that ultimately gave some insight into how the narrator felt about Tommy. Nice, fluid writing. :-)

    www.totsymae.com

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  27. Tommy needs to chill with a nice cup of cocoa like the other person! Great job!:D (Cute blog you have:)

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  28. I love it when there's a parallel between the characters' moods and the weather. Very nice writing.

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  29. A stubborn door drives me crazy too! Lol! I'm very curious about where they're at. I'm picturing a cabin in the mountains, maybe hiding??

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  30. Thanks for the comments, all of you.

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  31. You have created two very different personalities. I imagined a very old wooden structure, Tommy slams the door so hard the whole building nearly shakes. It was intriguing when the MC's giggling mad Tommy reveal a different side to his nature.

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